This time next week I’ll be in surgery. Tummothy’s great departure will have begun. And I am so in my head. The anxiety of the surgery has come and gone. The anxiety of recovery has come and gone. But now I’m in my head wondering, “Have I done enough?” Have I lost enough weight? It’s … Continue reading
What If
I have always battled anxiety and craved control. The lack of it is frustrating for me. I have had to learn to relinquish the need for control since having children. Some days better than other. My eldest has an autoimmune disease (PANS) that presents behaviorally, as well as physically. Unbeknownst to her, she has given … Continue reading
3.5 Years Later
I always return to writing. It feels good. I’d be remiss if I told you I don’t have reservations about how raw and vulnerable I am at times, especially since my body is most of my content, but if I can make literally one person feel not so alone, I have accomplished my mission. In … Continue reading
Life
If you had told me I wouldn’t write for over two years when I published my last post I would have called you a liar. I love writing. It’s my therapy. It’s cathartic for me, yet here I am – not having written for over two years. This feels good. Effortless. Lily Ann was born … Continue reading
Good Things
Things have been going WAY better than I honestly could have expected. I’ve been on the Zoloft for a little over 2 weeks now and have felt a marked difference. It’s incredible. You really have no idea how poorly you were feeling until you feel good. Things I’ve been able to enjoy now: Bath time. … Continue reading
Postpartum Anxiety
It’s really hard to talk about. It’s really hard to accept. But…I am. Just typing “postpartum anxiety” is giving me anxiety. Will people think I’m crazy? Will they think I want to hurt my daughter? Do they think I’m an awful mom? No, you’re being stupid. Relax. But…what if? I just chalked it up having … Continue reading
P90x3 Update
It’s weird to workout with the soul purpose to lose weight. Like, really weird. Especially when that was your thing for so long. I’ve learned quite a few things in the last 30’ish days: We are doing more like a P120X3. Working out 6 days a week isn’t all that realistic for us, but … Continue reading
Happy Half Birthday!
Oh sweet girl, we snapped this of you before you went to school today. How are you 6 months old today? I feel like I held you for the first time just yesterday. The last few nights have been long, bouncing from room to room and bassinet to crib to arms to both of us … Continue reading
Publish
Hitting publish is my therapy. I’ve tried screaming into a pillow. I’ve tried talking to my husband. Tried talking to my best friend. I’ve tried crying. But for some odd reason nothing works like hitting publish for me. This will be scattered. This probably won’t make a lot of sense. But it will let me … Continue reading
Day 1
You start with a physical fitness test that basically leaves you questioning every ounce in your being if you’ll be able to actually survive a workout. Resting heart rate: 69. Boom. Still have a fairly decent RHR, which is pretty awesome considering how lazy I was for a year. SO. LAZY. Pull ups: 0. Nope. … Continue reading
Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude 